Dead Man Blues

I went to a doctor with a pain in my head

He said: “Tumor boy! Six months you’re dead

It’s gonna be slow and painful

It ain’t gonna be no fun”

So I went home and decided

I’ll end it now my life’s done

Game Over, end of the ride

It’s suicide!!!

So I took out a shotgun, I put it in my mouth

I put it in too far, I gagged then ralphed

I jumped in front of a truck

I missed and only felt a breeze

Then I tried a bus, the driver stopped and said:

“Exact change, please!!!”

I survived, was still alive!

I dropped a toaster in the tub with me

It did wonders for my hair

Was gonna drive myself right off a cliff

Got lost on my way there

I took a jar of sleeping pills

But all I did was snooze

I can’t do nothing right

I got the Dead Man Blues!

Can’t get it right

I’m feeling so uptight

I can’t die I gotta wonder why

I try and try and try but I can’t die

I’ve got the Dead Man Blues

‘Cause even if I win I lose

I threw a rope around the rafters

Around my neck, stood on a chair

The phone rings, my machine picks up

And guess who’s there?

It’s a message from my doctor

And he says: “Hey lucky break!

It was just a dirt on the X-ray

Whoops! I made a mistake!”

And then I slipped off the chair

And I was hanging there:

I’ve got the Dead Man Blues

‘Cause even if I win I lose

The Dead Man Blues