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Epic Rap Battles of History
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Epic rap battles of history! Winston Churchill VS Theodore Roosevelt Begin! Bully! A challenge! I love competition! Now where would I mount the stuffed head of a Winston? I'm into fitness, digging ditches through an isthmus! Rough ridin' down to Cuba like "What's up, B***hes?!" I keep my rhymes pure, like my food and drugs I'm an American stud, and you're the British Elmer Fudd! I mean, for Christ's sake! Look at that mug! At least grow a spruce mustache and cover part of it up! And let's face it, you're not all that great You tossed away lives in Gallipoli Like they were scraps off your plate! Your whole miserable country is the size of one state! I could see my way through running that without donning my Pince-nez! Don't go toe to toe with me, you bloated drunk old man Why don't you Do-Si-Do on over to a 12 step program? I'll bust a trust fund lush with my American muscles So walk softly over here and give my big stick a suckles! Pass me a cigar and a large glass of brandy I'm about to take you out prematurely, like your family I'm the Rhyme Minister, fresh in a hat and dinner jacket You look like a mix of EpicLLOYD and a Pringles packet! I was saving the planet from an axis of darkness While you were back home, opening national parks, yes! You were born asthmatic, you're going to choke hard While I wake up every day and chain smoke cigars! I'll fight you on the beaches, I'll fight you on the beats, yes! Any way you want to fight I'll fight ya and I'll beat ya, see? I might be battling you even though I'm toasted But tomorrow I'll be sober and you'll still be roasted! My parents died, when they were young and it was morbid But at least they didn't ditch me when they were alive like yours did Oh shit! World War Too soon? Well Teddy's dropping bombs, so you best go hide in your tube! You should be ashamed of your military honor Everyone knows you're back home like "Thank God for Pearl Harbor!" Don't worry, the U.S. will give you a pass Just change your poster to keep calm and kiss my cousin's ass Steady there, I don't think it's very fair For a British bulldog to melee with a Teddy Bear You're no man, you're an overgrown Boy Scout I should stuff you in a pram just so you can throw your toys out! They put your fat head on a mountain to save face But if Rushmore was a band, then you'd play bass! Look at Roosevelt, the dude's about to lose the bout to Churchill! If a bullet to the chest won't stop you, my words will A bullet can't stop the Bull Moose! TR will give WC the full deuce! Whatever shit you throw at me, I'll just return to sender! I'll battle to the end and I will never surrender! Who won? Who's next? You decide! Epic rap battles of history!
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