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Guru
Loudon Wainwright III
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There once was a man who just couldn't cry He hadn't cried for years & for years Napalmed babies & the movie 'Love Story', For instance could not produce tears As a child he had cried as all children will But at some point the tear ducts ran dry He grew to be a man & the feces hit the fan Things got bad but he couldn't cry His dog got run over, his wife up & left him After that he got sacked from his job Lost an arm in the war, was laughed at by a whore But still not a sniffle & sob Well his novel was refused & his movie was banned And his biog Broadway show was a flop He was sent off to jail, you guessed it, no bail But still not a dribble or drop In jail he was beaten, bullied & buggered And made to make licence plates Water & bread was all he was fed But not once did a tear stain his face Doctors were called in, scientists too, Theologians were last & practically least They all agreed sure enough He was no cream puff But in fact an insensitive beast He was removed from jail & placed in a place For the insensitive & the insane He played lots of chess & he made lots of friends And he wept every time it would train Once it rained 40 days & it rained 40 nights And he cried and he cried and he cried and he cried On the 41st day he just passed away He just dehydrated & died He went up to heaven located his dog Not only that but he rejoined his arm Down below all the critics, they took it all back Cancer robbed the whore of her charm His ex-wife died of stretch marks, his ex-employer went broke The theologians were finally found out Right down to the ground, the prison burned down The earth suffered perpetual drought
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