Julien Baker – Happy to Be Here Lyrics

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If I could do what I want
I’d become an electrician
I’d climb inside my head
And I’d rearrange the wires in my brain
A different me would be inhabiting this body
Have two cars, a garage, a job
And I would go to church on Sunday

A diagram of faulty circuitry
Explains how I was made
And now the engineer is listening
As I voice all my complaints
From an orchestra of shaking metal keeping me awake
I was just wondering if there was any way that you made a mistake

Because I miss it the way that I miss nicotine
If it makes me feel better, how bad can it be?
Well I heard there’s a fix for everything
Then why, then why, then why
Then why not me?

The 1st of April saw the sickening repair
Wore my best shirt to the clinic decorated with the laminate name
No one is laughing from an audience of plastic chairs
And I’m not fooled when you tell me that you’re glad I came
Am I just honest to admit or just a hypocrite?
I know I should be being optimistic but I’m doubtful I can change
Grit my teeth and try to act deserving
When I know there’s nowhere I can hide
From your humiliating grace

Because if you swear that it’s true
Then I have to believe
What I hear evangelicals say on TV
And if there’s enough left after everyone else
Then why, then why, then why
God why not me?