GASTON
Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here wants to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
LEFOU, PHOEBE & LUMIERE

No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly

As manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they'd prefer to be on

No one's been like Gaston
Lacking in like Gaston
No one's got a spark left in his chin like Gaston
LEFOU

As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
LEFOU, PHOEBE & LUMIERE

My, what a guy, that Gaston
GASTON

Give five hurrahs
Give twelve hip-hips
Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips

No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston
PHOEBE

For there's no one as burly and brawny
LEFOU

As you see, I've got biceps to spare
LEFOU, PHOEBE & LUMIERE

Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
LEFOU
That's right
LEFOU, PHOEBE & LUMIERE

And every last inch of me's covered in hair
LEFOU
Yuck

No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
In a spitting match, nobody spits like Gaston
LEFOU

I'm especially good at expectorating
LEFOU, PHOEBE & LUMIERE

Ten points for Gaston
LEFOU

When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large
LEFOU, PHOEBE & LUMIERE

And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs
LEFOU

So I'm roughly the size of a barge

No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
LEFOU

I use hantlers in all of my decorating
LEFOU, PHOEBE & LUMIERE

Oh, what a guy
Oh, what a guy
Oh, what a guy
Oh, what a guy
Oh, what a guy
Oh, what a guy
Oh, what a guy

GASTON
Gaston
LEFOU, PHOEBE & LUMIERE
What a guy, that Gaston
What a guy, that Gaston
LEFOU, PHOEBE & LUMIERE
Gaston