Lyrics
Please Don't Touch Me
ELIZABETH: Dream all you want my darling
Of every lustful situation
Those naughty thoughts
Are fine with me
As long as they
Stay locked away
In your imagination
You can hug me til I scream
If it's only in a dream
But please don't touch me
You can feel me til I squeal
Just as long as it's not real
But please don't touch me
You can stick me
You can lick me
You can pinch me til I'm blue
You can bite me
And delight me til I'm blind
You can savage me
And ravage me
I care not what you do
If the lovely filthy things you do
Are only in your mind
You can spank me til I'm red
If it's only in your head
But please don't touch me
You can have me don't you see
If it's just a fantasy
But please don't touch me
Oh Freddie, darling, I know that you're a virgin...
FREDERICK: Yes. For me, science has always come first.
ELIZABETH: ...And as every guy in New York knows - I come first too.
After our wedding
You'll be oh so glad we waited
Until then
Take cold showers when you're overstimulated
Anticipation is sublime
And although you might think I'm
A tease
Please don't touch me
(Dance break. ELIZABETH and FREDERICK dance without ever touching.)
SEEING-OFF WOMAN#1: Oh everybody look! How unique. They're not touching.
PURSER: It must be "Please Don't Touch Me"
The new dance craze that's sweeping catholic girl schools all over the midwest!
SEEING-OFF WOMAN#2: Oh what fun! Let's try it!
CHORUS: Please don't
Please don't
Please don't touch me
ELIZABETH: Do not hug us
Do not drug us
Do not slug us til we cry
Do not throb us
'Til you rob us of our wits
MEN: We won't poke you
We won't stroke you
Til we're just about to die
ELIZABETH: But even in your wildest dreams
Don't dare to touch our tits!
Don't dare to touch our tits!
WOMEN: Don't dare to touch our tits
Don't touch our tits
Don't touch our tits
Don't touch our
Elizabeth: Tits, tits, tits, tits
Tits, tits, tits, tits
Tits!
Our tits!
(Sound: the boat blows its horn)
When we're absolutely wed
You can do it til we're dead
(FREDERICK sees the gangplank detaching and the boat starting to sail. Unnoticed by ELIZABETH, he runs and jumps on board.)
FREDERICK (shouting to get her attention): Elizabeth!
(Elizabeth runs after Frederick)
WOMEN: Til then please, please, please
MEN: We're down on our knees
ELIZABETH: Please keep your hands off these
CHORUS & ELIZABETH: Please don't touch me
CHORUS: We won't touch you
ELIZABETH: Please don't touch me
CHORUS: We won't touch you
She's so touchy
ELIZABETH: OH!
ELIZABETH: Dream all you want my darling
Of every lustful situation
Those naughty thoughts
Are fine with me
As long as they
Stay locked away
In your imagination
You can hug me til I scream
If it's only in a dream
But please don't touch me
You can feel me til I squeal
Just as long as it's not real
But please don't touch me
You can stick me
You can lick me
You can pinch me til I'm blue
You can bite me
And delight me til I'm blind
You can savage me
And ravage me
I care not what you do
If the lovely filthy things you do
Are only in your mind
You can spank me til I'm red
If it's only in your head
But please don't touch me
You can have me don't you see
If it's just a fantasy
But please don't touch me
Oh Freddie, darling, I know that you're a virgin...
FREDERICK: Yes. For me, science has always come first.
ELIZABETH: ...And as every guy in New York knows - I come first too.
After our wedding
You'll be oh so glad we waited
Until then
Take cold showers when you're overstimulated
Anticipation is sublime
And although you might think I'm
A tease
Please don't touch me
(Dance break. ELIZABETH and FREDERICK dance without ever touching.)
SEEING-OFF WOMAN#1: Oh everybody look! How unique. They're not touching.
PURSER: It must be "Please Don't Touch Me"
The new dance craze that's sweeping catholic girl schools all over the midwest!
SEEING-OFF WOMAN#2: Oh what fun! Let's try it!
CHORUS: Please don't
Please don't
Please don't touch me
ELIZABETH: Do not hug us
Do not drug us
Do not slug us til we cry
Do not throb us
'Til you rob us of our wits
MEN: We won't poke you
We won't stroke you
Til we're just about to die
ELIZABETH: But even in your wildest dreams
Don't dare to touch our tits!
Don't dare to touch our tits!
WOMEN: Don't dare to touch our tits
Don't touch our tits
Don't touch our tits
Don't touch our
Elizabeth: Tits, tits, tits, tits
Tits, tits, tits, tits
Tits!
Our tits!
(Sound: the boat blows its horn)
When we're absolutely wed
You can do it til we're dead
(FREDERICK sees the gangplank detaching and the boat starting to sail. Unnoticed by ELIZABETH, he runs and jumps on board.)
FREDERICK (shouting to get her attention): Elizabeth!
(Elizabeth runs after Frederick)
WOMEN: Til then please, please, please
MEN: We're down on our knees
ELIZABETH: Please keep your hands off these
CHORUS & ELIZABETH: Please don't touch me
CHORUS: We won't touch you
ELIZABETH: Please don't touch me
CHORUS: We won't touch you
She's so touchy
ELIZABETH: OH!