Santa Drives An Astrovan

Reindeer smoking cigarettes on rooftops
In fishnets in the morning
With the moon still glowing
And here comes Santa in an Astrovan
Rolling down Broad and Pattison
He's stoned while Jerry plays

He said, "Life ain't ever what it seems
These dreams are more than paper things
And it's alright, mama, you're afraid
I'll be poor along the way
But I don't wanna see those tears again
You know, Santa drives an Astrovan"
Yes, he does
He said, "Ooh"

And in my heart there's a hole that grows
From all the ones I miss the most
Some of the best ones ain't comin' down
So if I love under the mistletoe
Reaching out for the great unknown
Every reindeer has the illusions

Life ain't ever what it seems
These dreams are more than paper things
And it's alright, mama, you're afraid
I'll be there along the way
And I don't wanna see those tears again
You know Santa drives an Astrovan
Yes, he does
I say, "Whoo"

Ho, ho, ho, ho
Ooh
Ooh
Ooh
Ooh

When I see those reindeer on the roof
I'll know I've made it
When my doobie smoking Santa
Puts my name up on his "Nice List"
He said, "Son, you're famous in Philly
You'll always be famous in Philly"
And you know you'll always be winnin'
When you're comin' home for Christmas

And I don't wanna see those tears again
You know Santa drives an Astrovan

And I don't wanna see those tears again
You know Santa drives an Astrovan