Even After

I didn't want to do this
I swear to God I didn't
But you pushed me there
And now I can't breathe inside my own skin

I begged you to love me right
I begged you to see me
But you kept turning away
Kept leaving me empty

I laid in that bed
But my heart wasn't there
I was searching for something that should have been you
And now I hate myself for it

I let them hold me cause you wouldn't stay
I let them in cause you pushed me away
But every touch felt hollow
Every kiss felt wrong
And the moment it was over
I knew where I belong

Even after the sin
I still feel so broken
Even after the act
There's words left unspoken
I tried to find me but I lost who I am
God knows this was never the plan
I gave my body but my soul never moved
Even after
I still love you

I keep scrubbing my skin like I can wash it away
But the guilt runs deeper than water can chase
I thought maybe the touch would make me feel alive
But instead I feel numb while this part of me dies

You say I betrayed you
But baby so did you
I just bled where you broke me
Did what I swore I'd never do

I can't sleep
I can't pray
I cannot run what I became
I wish for my sins into the dark
But even God don't take the blame

Even after the sin
I still feel so broken
Even after the act
There's pain left unspoken
I tried to find me but I lost who I am
God knows this was never the plan
I gave my body but my heart stayed with you
And even after
I'm still yours

It wasn't love, it wasn't me
And it will never set me free