National Sports Association Hires Retired English Professor to Name New Wrestling Holds

The National Association of Sports Administration
Had a problem with one of its games
Some of the wrestlers were winning their matches
With holds that didn't even have names
The ring-side announcer and most of the fans
Were surprised and completely confused
So they hired a retired college English professor
To name the new holds that were used
A slow dance with trouble
Appointment with pain
And a dunk in the Devil's teacup
King Tut's crunch, and the rubber wrist twist
Were all names the professor thought up
And then he came up with the slowpoke
That's a wind-up and slow-motion slap
And the porcupine hug, and the polar bear rub
And the snap-crackle-pop-crackle-snap
The lip-pull, hip-throw, and tongue twister
The chin pinch and high-diving splat
The hair-pulling, eye-poking, nose tweak
And something called shaving the cat
After naming new holds all day long, every day
He got kind of carried away
He started to talk the same way at home
Every time he had something to say
Like, "Darling, please pass me the tiny white balls
From the table-top tumbler vault"
When all that he really meant by that was
"Honey, please pass me the salt"